Monday, March 17, 2014

How To Survive "The Preschool Years" Without Seizing

I get the whole "Carpe Diem" thing, I do, but let's be honest. I will probably not seize every day. In fact, if we're being completely honest, some days I will be lucky to simply survive the day without seizing. 

As moms we have to stick together. We need to be gentle and honest with each other about what to expect. We also need to find humor in the little things that make us want to run. Between sleepless nights, the "But, WHY" phase, potty training, and all the other exciting moments to look forward to, it's only fair 
that we should share our secrets of 
survival, right? Amen.

It has recently occurred to me that surviving my son's "Preschool Years" is all about accepting the fact that everything in my life will be interrupted, disrupted, and sometimes slightly annoying. It's that simple really. I must accept that while there is a very curious, energetic, talkative four year old in my house, there will be very little peace, solitude, sex, or silence. If I can only come to terms with this fact, and discard any and all expectations, the days can be delightful.

Here are some examples of what I mean.

Chance to sleep in? 
HA! Forget about it. If it is light outside it will be "time to wake up!!" NOW.

Relaxing with a nice cup of coffee?
Good one. He will want to play Bingo. I will be reminded that I told him last night that we could play "tomorrow" and that it's "tomorrow already."

Nature's calling?
My morning poop will be interrupted so he can show me that the block is actually red, his lunch box is empty, or one of his books has a tear in it. These things will not wait until I am finished. 

Getting him dressed?
If I have picked out his clothes, he will inform me that he's "big now" and can pick out his own clothes. He will then ask me to help him put everything on because he "can't do it!!!!"

Breakfast? 
He won't want the toast he asked for because he'll remember he didn't want butter on it. He'll think he wants cereal...no, a bagel with cream cheese; and some juice. NOT apple juice, ORANGE juice. No, maybe water. Never mind he's not hungry. Can we play Bingo now? 

Putting his younger sibling down for a nap? 
Good luck to me. He'll just want to be with me. Seven minutes apart from me will be, "too long."

He can stay, but needs to be quiet and whisper?
He'll just have to tell me "one more thing before whispering." Can we play Bingo now?

Lunch? 
He'll be ready to eat breakfast now.

In the middle of a phone call? 
He'll just want to tell me something!!!

Want him to nap? 
Dream on. There's way too much to do today. Oh, and by the way...*EPIC TANTRUM*

Trying to enjoy the rest of the afternoon? 
Are you kidding me? He needs a nap! NO ONE will be enjoying anything. Bingo will turn into five more reasons for a meltdown.

Prepared a nice dinner? 
He'll be sure his brother got more broccoli, the chicken will be too hot, the carrots not orange enough, and he will decided he doesn't like mashed potatoes anymore. He'll want to know why we can't order pizza. He likes pizza!

Trying to have a conversation with _________? 
He'll just want to tell me something!!!

Want to watch a movie? 
He'll want to watch Toy Story 2. He won't care that we only own Toy Story 3.  

Want to read a book? 
He'll know that part and want to read it himself. Then, I will be asked read it. He will tell me I'm reading it the wrong way. Half way through he'll want to read a different book.

Bedtime? 
He won't be able to sleep because his room is too dark and the moon is too bright. He'll need some water.

Finally, he's in bed??? Whoo Hoo!!!

Sexy-naked time with the Mr.?? 
No. He still won't be able sleep because his brother is breathing too loud. He'll have to pee because he drank too much water. 

Sleeping? 
He'll just want to ask me one more thing. 

"Can we play Bingo tomorrow?"



Seize the day, my ass. How to SURVIVE "The Preschool Years" without Seizing #Hilarious #Funny #SOTrue

























Original (changes made) photo credit: angellea (glitterbug) via photopin cc

6 comments :

  1. Haha, is the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?"

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  2. yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes, yes,etc., etc., heh heh. I always wonder if when the kids are grown I will actually miss all this as they say.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wonder this too. I don't think I will. ;)

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  4. Truth be told, I probably will feel sad someday, but only because by then I will have forgotten how totally obnoxious it is. :)

    ReplyDelete

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