Someone joined us today that I don’t like very much, and I really struggled with having to spend the whole day with her. She's never really been much fun, and happiest when she can just lay around in sweatpants feeling sorry for herself. Obviously, having to get dolled up and commute and hour and a half for Thanksgiving dinner today was an issue. I tried to lighten the mood in hopes of brightening her spirit so she might stop being such a total downer, but she just ignored me every time I attempted to speak to her.
Half way through, I gave up on any possibility of just enjoying the day; with family members we hardly get the chance to see, because she was so wretched.
Sure, she made small talk and laughed it up with everyone, but she didn’t fool me for a second. I saw right through her sarcastic remarks and class clown act. I wondered if anyone else could see it; how clearly out of place she felt. Maybe they wondered why I thought it a good idea to bring her along and were, like me, wishing she would just shut up already.
I really hate her. She ruins most everything. Every time someone asked me how I was doing or what I was up to, she downplayed the details of my life in a way that made me feel insignificant and small. She said things like, “You’re embarrassing yourself. No one really cares how you’re doing. They’re just asking to be polite.”
She made it impossible for me to enjoy any part of the day. Almost everything she said was laced with snark, and she kept treating my children like an annoyance or some sort of inconvenience.
Can you imagine?
Clearly she needed attention, so before we left she shared some really sensitive information about me like it was a joke, and then laughed along with everyone else in the room. It was awful, and I couldn’t even speak up because she just kept talking over me and continuing the horrible conversation.
I wanted so badly just to leave her there, but unfortunately she made her way into our car and joined us for the trip back home. She walked right into my house, and made herself comfortable. At some point, she will follow me to bed; where she will relentlessly ask me to recall every time I said and/or did the wrong thing today. She will confirm my fear that we should have just stayed home, and that we should probably never leave the house again.
It's Thanksgiving, and I'm cranky.
I'm tired of having to open my whole life up to Depression, I'm annoyed by the awareness that she has no plans to leave me anytime soon, and I’m already sick to death and exhausted by the powerlessness of her grip.
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