Forever Changed by the Rolls of the Tide

My husband took the day off yesterday, and we took our seven year old to the beach.

I woke up eerily calm that morning, with a sense of nothing and everything all at once. I felt different; as if I had been floating along an endless river, and had suddenly been plucked to shore and planted in the ground.

I felt whole.

We got to the beach and walked for a long time to avoid other people and crowds and loud all the things. When we marked our territory, I used the wind to place my towel in a less rocky spot facing my family.


The boys went almost immediately to the water after sunscreen, but I stayed back. I just wanted to lay there with my eyes closed, and feel the sun beaming my skin. I rolled over onto my belly, and tried to fall asleep. It had been quite a night before, and I was still reeling a bit and processing all that had happened.

At one point I turned my head to the left to rest it on my folded arms, and there it was -- a shiny dime -- staring up at me. It was half an inch from the towel, and I knew it was a sign. It was meant for me to see.

I learned about the significance of finding dimes from a friend years ago.

Finding Dimes: Possible Interpretations
  • A message from beyond.
  • Someone or something is trying to get your attention.
  • Guidance or validation that you're on the right path.
  • A reminder that you are loved and valued.
  • A sign that positive changes are afoot; a reward or token of approval from beyond.
  • Ancestors, spirits, guides, or deceased loved ones want you to know they’re looking out for you.
  • The number 10 symbolizes a circle, so a dime might indicate coming full circle, fulfillment, unity, or the completion of a task.
  • A reminder to pay attention, keep watching, and keep your eyes open.

Because that Sunday night I had prayed so hard and specifically that I might find my mother, and by Tuesday night I had every answer to every question I've ever asked in her regard. I knew her name, and I knew mine. A door had opened, and I had been gifted most miraculously with the story of my beginning -- my chapter one. 

I knew who I was.

I learned that I was always wanted and, although perhaps it shouldn't have, it filled the spaces of my heart previously unearthed.  

I had come full circle, right back to the place it had all begun -- with me. I picked up the dime, brushed off the sand, and stared until the blur from tears made it impossible to keep focus. 

I was there. I could feel it. 

I thanked the universe for having my back, as I closed my eyes and drifted off.

...

On the long walk back to the car, I found a beautiful piece of sea glass. I admired the magnificent dullness of its presentation and color, and I imagined where it might have come from. Was it a bottle, window, or something else? I found myself giggling at the realization that it didn't much matter. No matter what it had been before, it was a beautiful piece of sea glass -- prepped and forever changed by the rolls of the tide. 

What if we're all just beautifully shattered fragments rolling in and out with the tide? Perhaps it doesn't matter who or what we used to be or what broke us. Maybe even the intentions behind the trauma are irrelevant. Because even if a bottle shatters into a million pieces, it's still a bottle. Each of those pieces continue to make up the complete story of its existence. 

Maybe it's okay to just adjust our expectations. After all, no one expects a piece of sea glass to be translucent or sharp, and nobody would suggest it might be any less magnificent or perfect because it's not. It's still glass and everything it used to be; just different. 

Maybe it's possible to break into a million pieces and become even more than you could have been. 

With every wave that crashes over us, every brush against the earth, comes another opportunity to embrace who we might become because of it. And even when it feels like we've lost control and are simply spiraling or crashing on the shore, it's all part of the process.

Maybe there's no need to fight the waves, because they are what shapes us. They are what gifts us the chance to become something new and different; something even more beautiful and magnificent -- something unlike anything else in the universe -- prepped and forever changed by the rolls of the tide.



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