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Next Life, NO Kids: Someone is Getting Divorced

December 23, 2014

Someone is Getting Divorced



I was going to title this post, "No one is Getting Divorced," but it's quite possible there are a ton of people getting divorced right now. I'm just not one of them.

The post that was published on Scary Mommy yesterday was published on my blog over a year ago. I was in a terrible place with my own mental health and with two young kids and a teenager in the mix, I was legit losing my fucking mind. My husband and I were arguing a bunch about stupid shit, and I sat down with my frustrations and decided to publish the piece. We have worked through much of that stuff, and are (for the most part) communicating much better these days.

My husband was obviously not thrilled about my airing our business on my blog. It has been a bit of a struggle between us honestly. I've always been quite the over-sharer, and he's pretty modest and shy. My blogging has definitely put a strain on our marriage, but I think in some ways it has saved it. He insisted I publish "I Don't Want My Marriage Today," stating that he didn't ever want to be the reason I censor myself. It was a HUGE step for both of us, mostly because by the time it was published we'd already worked out our feelings and were in a better place. 

Marriage is hard, and parenting on the same page can be even harder. Obviously even wonderful things can put a wrench in the works. Maybe that's why we feel so guilty talking about it. How many others would just die to have the luxury problem of children to parent? Perhaps that's why we pretend. The problem is, we may pretend so long we actually forget it's normal to struggle.

After the post went live, people we hadn't spoken to in months started to reach out to let us know they were there as support. It was obviously a little uncomfortable at first, but it was also pretty neat to see how many people we have who give a shit about our marriage.

This year has come with its own unique struggles with the adoption of my non-profit organization and the 9000 distractions it has created, but we've managed. We've survived another year of marriage, and enjoyed the majority of it.

Since starting this blog, I have learned many things. The posts I am completely terrified to publish are those that will resonate most with people. Perhaps because they're mostly about the things we don't often discuss or subjects that accompany stigma or judgment. Trust me, it is NOT easy to write about these things, and it often takes me over a week to click "Publish." 

I've NEVER regretted the decision to do so.

I have also learned that the connections my honesty here provides are always worth whatever fear and/or panic I may experience. When you say "Me too," it is the greatest compliment. When you trust me enough to tell me my words have touched you in some say or helped to lesson your pain, it matters to me. It means the shit I've gone through - the struggles I experience- make sense. It gives them purpose, and helps me to better understand the WHYs. 

Your support means the absolute world to me. Your willingness to come read my stories, and share bits of yourself with me is what has made this blogging experience so indescribably wonderful. 

Oh, and twitter is pretty fun, too. ;)








photo credit: jrayfarm1980 via photopin cc

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5 Comments:

At 12/23/2014 , Anonymous Beth said...

My husband and I have been married for only 2 years now and I feel like I absolutely cannot stand him anymore, but I couldn't imagine my life with someone else. Feels good knowing that I'm not the only mother/wife that feels this way!! Please keep over sharing!

 
At 12/23/2014 , Anonymous luvena said...

The problem with humans is that we are not honest. And nowadays with all the social media networking, we exaggerate the pretending even more.
Sometimes I get so tired of pretend and so tired of pretending to swallow other people's pretendings.
The world would definitely be a friendlier place if we all open our minds and hearts up to honesty.
Thank you for writing and sharing that 1 year-old post that I read it until yesterday but it came just in the right moment to me. It showed me that I am not alone and that I am not an evil person because sometimes I get tired of being a mother and a wife. That NATURAL feeling doesn't make me the worst insensitive human being on Earth. I do love my children, I do love my husband and yes! I am very grateful for the incredible luck I've had being where and who I am... but I am alive and I feel overwhelmed pretty often... AND IT IS OKAY! 😊

 
At 12/23/2014 , Anonymous Kathy Radigan said...

I thought it was such a good post yesterday. And from the comments I read on Scary Mommy one a lot of people needed to read that day. Marriage can be hard, marriage and kids can be really, really, hard!! It's always nice to know that we are not alone. xoxo

 
At 12/24/2014 , Anonymous Lisa said...

I'm getting divorced! We started the start if it today

 
At 12/24/2014 , Anonymous Dana said...

Julie. I read your post on Scary Mommy, and I remember it from when it was here. I read a few of the negative comments, and I had to leave. I should have left a positive comment for you, though. I don't comment much, but I do read and I think you are pretty damn awesome. Your voice is an important one in the blogosphere, and I hope you continue to speak.

 

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