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Next Life, NO Kids: September 2014

September 26, 2014

If You Are A Mom, This Will Probably Offend You

Imagine if we all spent half the time changing the negative beliefs we have about ourselves as we do trying to convince other people they’re not true.

Everywhere we turn there’s a commercial, television show, or magazine article reminding us we should be better - prettier, younger looking, and thinner. Our hair is too frizzy or curly, our skin is too ashy, wrinkly, or God forbid acne prone.

Unfortunately, most quick fixes for these "problems" require deep pockets, so the wealthy and famous get first dibs – which is perfect because they’re most often in the television shows, magazines, and commercials that prompt our fears.

We turn to twitter and facebook for “likes” and “retweets” to let us know we’re okay; that people like us. We pray that they will, because this is where we maintain our self-esteem. If I post about eating a sandwich, and no one "likes" or retweets it, can I really enjoy it?

Obviously, I’m exaggerating…sort of, but it’s really no wonder many of us are pointing fingers.

I have written previously about mommy judging, but let’s take a look at the words we use every day.

Over the last few weeks I have read a couple of posts regarding “stay-at-home mom” v. “working mom.” Both posts were written by women I respect and appreciate very much. Both women were offended and upset by another woman’s perceived judgment regarding their mothering choices because of their labels. Reading both posts provoked the same reaction inside me. These types of articles get published and shared all the time, and every time one goes viral, I ask myself the same question.

Who gives a fuck?

I am a “housewife,” and “stay-at-home mom.” I’ll be honest about the fact that I don’t really care how you feel about it. I am happy with this choice and what it means for my family.

I have spoken with women who stay home with their children full time, but find the terms I use to identify myself offensive and belittling, especially if they follow the word "just." Their feelings about these words are obviously quite different from mine, and that is 100% okay. It does not have to ruin my day or destroy any of my relationships. No one is right or wrong in this scenario. We’re just different. There’s no reason to argue differences of opinion or feel hurt because people don’t think the way I do. I can’t imagine living in a world where everyone thought and believed the same things. What kind of dull existence that would be; without the opportunity to learn from one another.

The amount of arguing that goes on between moms in this arena is baffling. Because let’s be honest, it's not the actual titles that are the issue. It’s the feelings and fear they provoke.

Stay-at-home moms aren’t important in today’s society.  Most are uneducated and don’t contribute to, or help balance out our economy. Housewives are kept women who remain at the beck and call of their wealthy husbands - a feminist nightmare.

Working moms don’t love their children enough to stay home with them. They don’t care that they are missing out on precious moments and experiences with them because their careers are more important. They would rather be at work.

Just because some people are ignorant enough to believe these things, or even say them out loud, doesn’t make them true.

We’ve all become so dependent on what other people think of us, we've forgotten that our opinion is the most important.

The opinions of others do not dictate our worth.
At the end of the day, we're all mothers who love and provide for our children in unique ways. Just because we're different, doesn't mean we need to judge each other. 

People who live to judge are usually pretty unhappy, insecure, and uncomfortable in their own skin. I judge you to feel better about me. It has been my experience that there’s nothing worse than an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. People who are comfortable with who they are don’t need to judge others to feel good about themselves. I try to surround myself with those people, and not pity or judge the judgers. I know what it's like to hate myself and look down on others for relief. 

I have been that woman - it’s exhausting.

I do not, and will not, feel badly about my choice to take a break from my career and stay at home with my boys, even if Ignorance and Fear need to judge.

The choices I make are no one else’s business. We don't need to feel offended or belittled by other people's opinions of who we are. That, in itself, is a choice. We don't have to let go of our power or give others the opportunity to upset us. In turn, we can teach our children that self-esteem is obtained not by breaking others, but rather by taking esteem-able action.

If we all spent half the time working on our own negative beliefs as we do investing in and getting offended by the opinions of others, we might just find peace.

original photo credit: Icky Pic via photopin cc

Whether you love what you just read or hated everything about it, let's connect and talk about it! I'm always open to honest feedback. Come be social with me!

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September 09, 2014

How To (Not) Raise Breast Cancer Awareness

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month - Here's a post about how NOT to help #funny #BreastCancerAwarnessResources #BreastCancerPrevention #Facebook
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and for the past few years I have been invited to participate in the "breast cancer awareness" games. This year they started early and include posting something utterly ridiculous or completely disturbing as a facebook status. When someone (obviously) likes or comments on the status, they immediately get this message in their inbox. 
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month - Here's a post about how NOT to help #funny #BreastCancerAwarnessResources #BreastCancerPrevention #Facebook
If you have never heard of this game, you're probably confused. Allow me to explain. 

In order to promote breast cancer "awareness," I'm supposed to tell the world, via a facebook status, that my husband has been cheating on me. Then, when my friends and family start responding with concern, I send them a private message telling them I was just kidding in the name of breast cancer and suggest they do the same.

I hope that clears up any confusion. 

Wait... what??

Perhaps I'm slow or just plain stupid, because I don't get it. I don't understand how this game promotes anything but divorce and social leprosy. The best part? Without question...women continue to pass it along. 

Serious Question: What the hairy fuck does that have to do with breast cancer??? There's not even a link to anything breast cancer related! 

I cannot even wrap my brain around how stupid that is. 

It's almost as concerning as the number of "ice bucket challenge" videos I've seen with NO mention of ALS. Nothing impresses me more than people who are willing to dump a bucket of ice over their heads (and the heads of their children) to raise awareness for a cause that shall remain nameless

In order to help, I have compiled two short lists regarding how awareness is and isn't raised. 

10 Things You Can Do that WILL NOT raise breast cancer awareness: 

1. Send a chain letter to every woman you know on facebook asking them to do something that has nothing to do with breast cancer awareness in the name of breast cancer awareness. 
2. Fart into a jar. 
3. Use the words "breast cancer" in a sentence.
4. Tell everyone at the DMV you have Herpes...even if it's true.
5. Tell people on facebook you're going to France for 23 days. 
6. Wear the color pink.
7. Announce the color of the bra you're wearing to everyone on facebook.
8. Enrage or frighten all of your relatives and friends, and then tell them you did it for breast cancer awareness in a private message no one else can see.
9. Watch someone else fart into a jar.
10. Video tape yourself doing something brave and/or crazy for the cause, but DO NOT mention the actual cause in your video.

10 Things You Can Do that WILL raise breast cancer awareness:

1. Send an email to every woman you know on facebook with a link to the National Breast Cancer Foundation's website, and remind them that October is breast cancer awareness month.
2. Don't wait until October to talk about breast cancer or remind your friends to do self-exams.
3. Share the Five Steps of a Breast Self-Exam on your facebook page for women who may not know how to do it.
4. Donate any amount of money to fund breast cancer research and blab about it to everyone on facebook.
5. Participate in a 39 mile or 3-Day walk in your area to raise awareness and funds for breast cancer research. 
6. Talk about breast cancer. 
7. Encourage the women in your life to make and keep doctor's and mammogram appointments even though they use that horrible torture device. 
8. Start an awareness campaign for breast cancer.
9. Make up some flyers with information about breast cancer, prevention, etc. and post them around your town.
10. Share this post right now.

Whether you love what you just read or hated everything about it, let's connect and talk about it! I'm always open to honest feedback. Come be social to me!

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