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Next Life, NO Kids: June 2014

June 26, 2014

Don't Be A "C U Next Tuesday"

If you follow my blog, you know I have struggled with depression for what feels like forever. You will also know that my specific case includes a side of OCD and a sprinkle of agoraphobia. 

Leaving the house, where there are germs AND the risk of an emotional breakdown in the middle of a store, restaurant, etc. can be quite frightening. I've been trying to push myself when I have good days. Sometimes, I have to literally bolt out of the house before I have time to think about all the reasons I shouldn't. 

The other day, I bolted and forgot the diaper bag. I knew that if I went back I would stay, so I ventured on. I was just running out to buy a tarp anyway, so what could go wrong, right? 

Naturally, once I got to my destination, two towns away, I noticed a funky smell coming from the back seat. Obviously, because I had NO supplies, the toddler had a diaper full of diarrhea.

Did I drive him in his mess all the way back to our house? Hell no! I pulled into the nearest CVS parking lot. I have never shopped for diapers so fast and furiously. I was in and out in a matter of minutes, and decided to change him in the hatchback. Obviously, because I had forgotten the diaper bag, and had NO extra clothing, there was poo on his one piece outfit.

Thankfully, it was a 90 degree day. I stripped him down, gave him a baby wipe once-over, threw on a diaper, and drove to Marshalls. 

I booked it to the baby section of the store and counted three double takes and two lingering stares from old women. Fine, I'm a horrible mother because it's sweltering outside and I didn't dress my kid. Wait, what am I doing in the baby section again? Oh yeah, buying him an outfit because he shit all over himself. I'm a good mother. 

Fuck those bitches, right?

I found a cute outfit and walked back up to the front to get in line. One weird look...and I was sweating. I'm usually sweating because I'm fat, plus it was humid as fuck, but that day there was extra because I already felt like a shitty mother, and I could feel the world judging me for it. I had a naked toddler under my arm that wanted to walk (a.k.a. run away from me shrieking), and the morning had been straight out of Hell. Maybe it was in my head. Perhaps I was just being paranoid.

I started to smell shit. Had he gone AGAIN??? I checked his diaper and it was clear. Either he had gas or I managed to get shit on my clothes too. I decided I was totally ill-equipped to deal with any more bullshit.

I thanked God there was only one person in front of me because the kid was ready to freak out. Nap time was approaching and, like me, he had had enough. The sweating was getting worse, and I can feel my face turning beet red. I started to pray for lightening to strike me just as the woman in front looked back and asked how old the baby was. I told her "He'll be two next month," and she gave me one of those smug, doughbaggy, condescending smiles while she looked him up and down. I explained that he was naked because he had an accident and I forgot the diaper bag.

"Did you forget the stroller too?"

I pride myself on being a pretty patient person. I don't usually haul off and smack people, even if they're really awful and deserve it. I am a professional tongue biter. But I was sweating...he was squirming...and I hated her. 

What I wanted to say was, "No C***,  I carried him in here because I didn't expect this horrific fucking purchase to take so long. I'm tired, sweating, and I'm fairly certain that I'm wearing human shit right now. Had I known I was going to be grilled by the likes of you, I would have put him in the stroller, freeing both hands so I could beat your face."

What I did say was...nothing, because Nora's mom stepped in.

I knew she was Nora's mom because she handed my obnoxious son her car keys, and asks him to name the letters on her keychain. 


She showed him the tiny green Croc shoe on the chain and asked him what color it was. Nora's mom told me that my son was, "absolutely beautiful," and that he looked "nice and cool on this hot day." 

Nora's mom was incredible. 

I don't understand the motivation behind taking an obviously difficult situation and adding fuel; why, when someone sees another clearly in distress, they take the shot at making it worse. I cannot identify with that type of thinking. I'm grateful for that. I am also grateful for people like Nora's mom, and the calming effect she had on both me and my son the very moment I was about to get arrested.

I could try to justify this other woman's behavior all day. Maybe she can't have children and is bitter because I get to feel suicidal in the line at Marshalls; kid in tow. I have no idea what that woman goes through so I'm grateful that I did not have the opportunity to respond in a hateful manor. 

I was so wrapped up in gratitude for Nora's mom that I was shocked when it was my turn at the register. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart, paid for the outfit, and got the hell out of there.

I still don't have a tarp.

If you see a woman out and about that looks like she's struggling, please treat her kindly. If you don't have anything nice to say, just smile in her general direction. I promise it will mean the world. Being that mom is humiliating enough without comments and/or dirty looks. I already feel like a failure in that scenario; the last thing I need is for you to rub it in. 

Please be gentle, be patient, be anything...but please don't be a "C U Next Tuesday."

original photo credit: aarongilson via photopin cc

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June 19, 2014

I Was An Ugly Duckling #InvisalignTalk

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post; however, all thoughts and opinions are my own. My excitement is 100% genuine. 

It is important that you understand that I haven't always been as gorgeous as I am today. No, during my tween years, I was...shall we say, "awkward as hell." I had crazy-frizzy hair, a very persistent case of the zits, and zero fashion sense. Most of these pesky appearance problems improved with time. Those that didn't, were easily hidden behind longer bangs and a bottle of AquaNet hairspray. The one problem that did not go away, no matter how much I matured, was the gap between my front teeth. 

This is me in 8th grade. 

I'm sure we can all agree that the space between my teeth should have been the least of my worries in this picture, but it wasn't. I hated smiling because of it, and I tried all sorts of home remedies to fix it including, but not limited to wrapping elastics tightly around the gap to force the close. 

Nothing worked.

I didn't want braces because many of my friends had them and complained constantly about the pain of tightening; sometimes with a mouth full of wax to keep the metal from slicing away at the sensitive skin around them. 

I would have loved Invisalign Teen. It could have saved me the agony of DIY methods. The clear aligners adjust crooked teeth as effectively as braces; without the metal! 

Years later, when my daughter's dentist suggested a trip to the orthodontist because of the same problem, she balked at the idea of braces for the same reasons I did. She didn't want a mouth full of metal for class pictures and worried about injury during her basketball games. 

She wanted Invisalign Teen, but I told her we couldn't afford the extra costs because I was certain it was way more expensive than braces. I was wrong. As it turns out, Invisalign is covered under many dental insurance plans, and they also offer reasonable payment options to suit individual needs! 

The other concern I had with Invisalign Teen was that she wasn't responsible enough to comply with or not lose the aligners when I wasn't able to watch over her like a hawk. They have that covered! The treatment includes up to SIX replacements absolutely free! Also, each tray has a blue indicator that will wear away if worn properly to ensure compliance with each step! They really thought of everything!! There are actually many benefits to choosing Invisalign Teen over tradition braces; for both tweens/teens and parents. 

  • Less time in the orthodontist office. Because there's no need for extra appointments for tightening and fixing broken wires, it's time saving. After the initial appointments, follow ups are usually scheduled every four to six weeks!  
  • The ability to floss and brush as usual. This was important to me. There aren't metal brackets and wires to worry about with Invisalign Teen. When it's time to floss, the clear trays can be removed and oral hygiene doesn't have to suffer! 
  • There are NO foods that are off limits. There is no need to avoid fun foods like chewing gum, apples, or popcorn with Invisalign Teen! Aligners can be removed and then replaced when finished. Everyone wins. 
The folks at Invisalign have made it easy to see if it's the right option for your family, what the costs will be, and to find an orthodontist near you that offers it (not all do)! They even put the entire process into an easy to follow graphic!

What do you think? Has your teen or pre-teen been referred to an orthodontist recently? Are you as excited as I am about Invisalign now that you have more facts? 

If so, enter below for a chance to win a free treatment!!

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June 04, 2014

How About One Less Racist Canadian?

I am sick of hearing the name "Justin Bieber" as it relates to all things awful. "The Biebs" has once again found himself some trouble, and I'm so over it. I'm not going to share the piece of shit video, but it's all over the Internets so you're probably aware. 

I don't care how cute he is, or how perfectly his hair wafts to one side. His mediocre talent does not outshine for me the fact that he is a full-blown, unapologetic racist. 

Perhaps it's because he is a "child star," or maybe it's the celebrity handlers that serve as a buffer between him and reality, but it seems as though Justin Bieber thinks he's above consequence. 

Could this possibly be related to the fact that hasn't suffered any for his actions?  I mean, I'm surely no expert, but I vote YES. When a nineteen year old gets caught driving under the influence, resisting arrest, and driving without a valid license there should be consequences. It shouldn't matter who you are or how much money you have. 

And now this? Really?

Sadly, even in 2014, while many of us are fighting for the rights of something or someone, we're still dealing with racism.  I believe it's everywhere, but many people have perfected the art of attempting to mask their prejudice and bigotry.

Justin's not hiding it. 
He's releasing video of himself singing a song about killing [insert n-word here] and joining the KKK. I'm sorry, but what the ridiculous fuck? I get that he doesn't want to be extorted, but come on! Perhaps in the future, it would be wise to not create such a hateful, disgusting video. 

I don't care how old he was when he made it, and I sure as hell don't think he should get any brownie points for "taking responsibility." There's NOTHING about being 14 years old that turns people into temporary racists. 

Does Donald Sterling get a free pass because he's old? Nope. No one is making excuses for his recent bad choices; and even if they are it's not impacting the consequence.  

I don't believe there is any room for gray area here. Either you have it in you to hate strangers and spew that hate, or you don't. Either we're tolerating racism, or we're not. 

I'm thinking it might be time that the United States had one less racist Canadian. 

What do you think?

photo credit: Daniel Ogren via photopin cc

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