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Next Life, NO Kids: August 2013

August 28, 2013

WE Are What's Wrong With Miley Cyrus

I hope you are as sick of hearing about Miley as I am. Every time the public reacts to something like this I worry about our girls. People are saying that her performance at the VMAs sent a bad message, but I wonder if the messages we're sending our daughters with our reactions to it isn't worse. 
This "thing" will pass, but the comments our daughters hear us making about it will stick. 

When my daughter was a sophomore, she came home one day and told me that there were some freshman girls going into the woods by the high school "getting on their knees" for senior boys. Some of the other girls at school were calling them names and saying they were "nasty sluts." Obviously this disturbed me and I was concerned. I was proud of my daughter and the relationship we have and I knew that my reaction to this was of paramount importance. 

I chose my words wisely. 

What I did not say to my daughter was "Those girls are attention seeking whores. Stay out of the woods or I'll judge you, too." I talked to her, not at her. I did not write an open letter to her on my blog threatening to "duct tape [her] mouth shut" or push her down "for forgetting how a lady acts in public" if she ever acted that way. (The gross popularity of such a blog post might just be exactly where we're going wrong though...just saying) 

I asked my daughter why she thought those girls were doing that and then some more questions. I was proud when she told me about the stifling pressure she remembered feeling as a freshman. She recalled the worry that she wouldn't fit in with the "right crowd" to ensure a great four years without being tortured by bullies or outcasted by "the popular" crowd. 

She was able to identify with the feelings of girls in the woods and understand that although she chose to deal with them in different ways, she could understand the pain and motivation behind such behavior. 

This was not to say that she agreed with or condoned what they were doing, but could look at them with compassion rather than judgment. She could also decide whether or not she would join her friends in mocking these girls OR offer them friendship at no cost. 

When I asked her what she thought about "this Miley Cyrus thing," she responded with this same compassion that she did that day. She said that while she did not personally appreciate the performance, it is sex that makes the money. When I asked her who decides what sells, she said, "We do." 

Our daughters are not stupid. If we teach them how to have more compassion when observing others, perhaps they will judge themselves less harshly too. 

Before we go judging girls like Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, or the next Disney star gone wild, let us keep in mind that every time we point a finger, there are three pointing back at us. 

Do we want to be part of the problem or part of the solution? 

The choice is ours.

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August 16, 2013

Open Letter To The Juniors Department


Dear Junior's Department,

I feel like I'm the only one trying to make this relationship work. We used to be so close and lately I feel like you're pulling away from me. I know I'm not as young or thin as I used to be, but come on!  I'm simply not ready for the next step ie. flat mom-butt jeans that I have to tuck under my armpits.



Have you seen some of the shit in the women's department? It's like they're trying to neuter me or something! I'm 30-something, not dead! I may not use my vagina as much as I'd like to, but it still works, and I'd like to celebrate that. Let's at least keep the option of sex open, in case the opportunity arises, shall we? Is that too much to ask?  

What happened to us? You used to be so much more forgiving, and comfortable around me. Now it's almost like you're going out of your way to make me look like a fool. Like, stop challenging what's left of my waistline. This may sound strange to you, but I do not, at any point, ever want my ass crack visible to strangers (or my mother). Can we talk about some of your brightly colored, flowery patterns...on pants? I mean, really. 

I would also like to discuss skinny jeans and JEGGINGS. You're killing me. Whose fucked up idea were these? Why would I waste 45 minutes of getting gussied up time squeezing myself into what might as well be sausage wrapping? Who the fuck even looks good in skinny jeans??? I'll tell you who, NO ONE; not even skinny people. Besides, you can't make skinny jeans and not make fat jeans. That's like size-ist or something, and I'm pretty sure that shit's illegal. Watch yourself.

Anyway, just stop being an asshole, okay? I really hope we can work this out. I'm not willing to give up just yet, but for fuck's sake (literally), throw me a bone here! 

Shut up, I still love you.

Love,

Julie



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