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Next Life, NO Kids: July 2013

July 18, 2013

Why Can't Beauty Win?

My beautiful friend Starr of The Insomniac's Dream shared a link on facebook yesterday and said that it made her cry. If you know Starr, this is big so I took a looksee. I had to see what had moved her to the point of tears. I was intrigued. 

It was "21 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity" (link below).
Holy shit. 
If you need serious restoration and this doesn't work, nothing will.

I shared it on Sober Mommies with the comment,

"Kind and beautiful can win if you let it. Please let it."

This made me both happy and sad to write because, honestly, I don't even know if that's true anymore. There is so much negativity in the world today and mean seems to have the upper hand. We as a society seem to attack and ask questions later. 

Young celebs like Amanda Bynes struggle with identity or addiction and we can't wait to cast a stone to get retweeted on Twitter for our witty insults. Then we shudder and ask "Why?" when a bullied teen takes his or her life. Really?

Do we not understand the similarities? Society is a bully. The tabloids and shows like TMZ along with others exploiting the lives and pregnancies of teen girls all send terrible messages to our kids and we watch and laugh. We feel sorry for them to feel better about our own messy lives; not all of us, but enough to prove that shit sells.

What is the matter with us? Why are some allowed to make poor choices and others aren't? Shouldn't we all be allowed the freedom to make mistakes without global judgement and criticism? Some will argue that that is the price of fame. To those people I will ask, "Why is observing the pain and misery of others so popular? Who decides this?" WE DO.

What the hell are we doing, and why can't we see it?

How can we stop it?

Who's willing to join me in trying? 

The Challenge: 

Find something beautiful and take a picture of it, OR write about something beautiful in any form, OR put it into a song! However you want to represent beauty is fine!  Email it to me at nextlifenokids@gmail.com** with your permission to use it for good. 

Let's blast some serious beauty and love into the universe...

 ...and see what happens. 


**All emails for this challenge serve the purpose of granting me (Julie @ Next Life, NO Kids) permission to use the contents in a post about beauty.
Please also include how you would like to be credited.


July 16, 2013

Happy Hump Day To Me!!! Come Hook :)

You all know how much I enjoy hooking so imagine my surprise when Molley from AMotherLife asked if I would be interested in co-hosting the Hump Day Hook up. DUH! I kind of feel like Heidi Fleiss right now... without all the sex and scandal. 
Anyway, my point is that I'm thrilled.

A Mother Life

I am beyond excited and honored to be able to participate in this way. PLEASE NOTE: I have high hopes and expectations regarding the amazing response this will bring so don't let me down.

I'm fragile.

So don't be shy and tell your friends! 
Hook up's at my house today too!!
Add your link below and then give it a shout out so that more people can get the opportunity to read your posts! 

Grab the Hump Day Hook up button!!
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.amotherlife.com" title="A Mother Life"><img src="http://www.amotherlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/hump-day-hook-up-e1364437027416.jpg" alt="A Mother Life" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

July 15, 2013

Don't Help Me

Depression is a sneaky little bitch. I started taking an anti-depressant three weeks ago against my better judgement, and I feel like I'm numb. It's like I'm on auto-pilot or something.  Even though I don't feel sad, I can still feel the weight of it in my chest. I'm not blaming the pills, I'm blaming myself. 

Am I the only one that can manage to stay actively depressed even on an anti-depressant? I'm blasting myself with insults and negativity at a disgusting rate. I'm useless. I can't do anything and even when I try, it's wrong. I feel like my husband hates me and I'm seeking out evidence through his actions that he regrets our marriage and having children with me. 

My blog isn't getting much love and I've convinced myself that it's because I suck. What was I thinking starting these projects? Sober Mommies was supposed to be a wonderful thing and I feel like I'm ruining it. I don't post enough, I don't promote enough, there aren't enough hours in the day.

When I'm on a roll with blogging, my family suffers. When I'm Super SAHM, everyone in the house is happy except me. I've worked for what feels like my whole life and as much as the stay at home thing is way more work than I remember program management being, there's so much more pressure involved; like the suffocating kind of pressure.  These kids, these tiny lives, are my responsibility. I made mistakes at work and I sat down with my mentor and worked them out. I make a mistake at home and I sit with my guilt and beat myself up.  

We're supposed to do better than our parents did with us, right? Well, for those of us that had less than pleasant childhoods, it's imperative. If I had known for sure that history was to repeat itself I think I would have opted not to have children. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? My house was a confusing, unsafe, and inconsistent place. I never knew what to expect or when the shit would hit the fan, and I trained myself to act accordingly. Years of therapy has me still working out the trauma. It's tricky...and it's yucky. Half the time I'm dragging myself to my appointment because 80% isn't interested in being poked. Understandable sure, but shitty all the same because I must live with what I don't deal with. 


Sometimes I feel like totally ill-equipped for this position because of lack of training. There was no orientation or grace period. There was no, "Let's try it out and see if it's a good fit" for this job. What if it's not a good fit? What if I'm incapable of providing the kind of structure and stability that these kids need? Some days I feel like I'm parenting by braille.

Go ahead and ask my teenager how awesome I am. She'll tell you that I'm the worst mother on Earth. Sometimes I believe that she feels that way because I'm a good mother to her, but other times her words strike me right in the chest. 

I'm struggling today and if I'm honest, I've been struggling for a long while. I can fake it like nobody's business because I have a lifetime of practice. I suck at asking for help, but I'm even worse at accepting it. I love the illusion of control or something. It makes it a lot easier to kick the shit out of myself when things get all fucked up. 

PTSD is no joke and having a dissociative disorder makes it all the more interesting. 

I'm so fucking tired

Do you know what it's like to need to look all put together all the time; to have people tell you that your life looks perfect on the outside, and be screaming at the top of your lungs on the inside?

I do.

It fucking sucks.

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July 02, 2013

I'm Pregnant, and It's Yours: When Texting Isn't Awesome

I love texting as much as the next person, but I feel like it might be getting a little out of hand. In the past two weeks I have received two ridiculously serious messages via text that both had me thinking WTF?!?! It's clear that an intervention is necessary. 
See for yourself...

Text #1 from one of my very close friends: 
Wait...did she just ask me to be in her wedding? I had to read it twice because it seemed to be like a side note, lost in the other details. Obviously, I was flattered and honored, but also a little insulted. This is a huge and significant event in her life and although I was thrilled to be included, the text part definitely stole some of the magic. I know you're busy, but c'mon!! I guess to be fair I should also disclose the fact that I found out about her engagement via facebook notification after she uploaded a picture of her ring. Seriously, clean it up. How social is social media if a friend from high school you haven't seen in 12 years hears about your engagement before your IRL close friends? Whatever, I digress.

Here's #2 from a woman that is like a younger sister to me. She's nine months pregnant: 
WTF? Maybe I'm old fashioned or something, but this doesn't seem at all like something that should be mentioned even casually, never mind over a text message!! Oh by the way...??? What??? How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that?? She went on to tell me that I should pull the plug if necessary. Awesome.

Holy shit, this needs to stop. Below you will find a list of shit that should NOT be sent via text. Before you click Send on your next text, maybe browse through this to make sure yours is not on the list. Also, feel free to pass this along to the people in your life that need the gentle reminder.  

Any Questions?

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