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Next Life, NO Kids: A Letter To The Nervous Mother-to-Be

March 19, 2013

A Letter To The Nervous Mother-to-Be

Dear Friend,

I am over the moon happy that you're having a baby.

Because you're terrified...and you should be.I have been thinking a lot about all of the things I want to say to you, tell you, and/or warn you about so I thought I'd write this letter.

First off, I would like to warn you that you are about to fall in love for reals, and meet the most important person in your whole world. The first time you look at this beautiful angel, you will wonder how you ever lived or breathed without her next to you. You will be amazed at how much love you feel for such a tiny creature you've only just met. She will steal your heart in a breath, and you will find yourself completely willing to fight off an angry mob of (fill in the blank) to ensure her happiness and safety. This feeling will never go away I have learned, even well into her teens while she's screaming obscenities at you and wishing you would get out of her life forever. Let's talk about that later though... much later. 

I want you to know that I will always support you. Be aware that there will always be Judgey McJudersons who will undoubtedly find fault in your parenting choices. They will judge you for the things you decide to do, and for the things you choose not to do. Haters hate, but know that I will always be on your side, even if I don't always agree with your style. I hope that you will come to me for parenting advice and I look forward to challenging you to go with your gut. You will know your baby better than anyone else in the universe, and the choices you make will always be the right ones as long as you trust yourself. I look forward to learning from you. Please try to always keep in mind that there is no such thing as The Perfect Mother Award. Unfortunately, there are many women who don't understand that, and fight for the title anyway. Our mothers didn't do it perfectly, and look how amazing we turned out! 

There will be times when you forget that there is beauty in making mistakes. You will compare yourself to other mothers who seem to be, "doing it the right way." When you feel like you've failed at whatever ridiculous standard you've set for yourself, I will always try to remind you that to the only one that matters, you are the best mommy in the whole world. 

There will be hard times and sacrifices. You and your husband will not always agree about everything, and some days you will disagree about everything. I promise you that it will be okay. The passion that you both feel will probably be fueled by the amount of love you feel for your little girl. If you are anything like me (and you are), it may also be provoked by fear that one false move could lead to her future astronomical therapy bills you won't be able to afford. I want you to know that I have these fears too. I also have no doubt that you will be an amazing mother. You are an amazing woman and the two often go hand in hand. It will not always be easy, but that's when we can and should lean on each other. 

I have lost count of how many times you have expressed that you don't know how I do "it". Honestly, I haven't a clue, I just do and you will too. The first morning you wake up a Mommy, you have more strength than you did the day before. I'm not quite sure how it happens or where it comes from, but it does. And when you are sure that you could not possibly bend another inch before snapping, somehow, you find yourself miraculously gifted with extra flexibility. I am so proud and honored to be a part of this journey with you. I look forward to offering hugs and swapping ideas about how to remove grape jelly stains from our favorite sweatpants. There will be boogers too; and a ton of poop and other wicked gross things, but lets go ahead and add that to the "as it comes" list. 

Although we are not sisters by blood, you are my sister, and my love for you is without condition or reservation. Let's lean on each other for support, and join forces against "the haters." 

We don't ever have to hate each other or be in competition. I'm here for you. When you see me on the street, and we lock eyes, please know that I am encouraging you. I hope I don't embarrass you if I can't help but tell you that look beautiful.

You are beautiful, and I want you to know. 

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At 3/19/2013 , Anonymous Jen said...

*SOB* What the heck? Nice tear jerker you pulled on me! So sweet, coming from the lady who almost killed my kid and my husband last night. I could not have said it better, not even nearly. She is lucky to have you. My judgees are in my own family and I would give anything to have you by my side everyday! Is that too much? Whatever, deal with it.

At 3/21/2013 , Blogger Stephanie Sprenger said...

Oh, wow, that is such an awesome letter. So sweet, encouraging, and honest. She's lucky to have you!

At 3/27/2013 , Blogger Cyndi Calhoun said...

Awww...I don't have kids and this letter makes me want them. :) So sweet!

At 3/27/2013 , Anonymous Julie @ NextLifeNOKids said...

Thanks Stephanie! We're lucky to have each other ;)

At 3/27/2013 , Anonymous Julie @ NextLifeNOKids said...

I don't think that's too much to ask for. I'm sorry I almost killed your family because I was distracting you with my amazing humor and wit. What can I say? It's a curse ;)

At 3/27/2013 , Anonymous Julie @ NextLifeNOKids said...

Thanks Cyndi,

It's never an easy job, but it does have many rewards. :)

At 3/27/2013 , Blogger Roshni AaMom said...

That's such a touching letter!! And, you're so right in everything you said!!

At 3/27/2013 , Blogger Dana @ Kiss My List said...

The first morning you wake up a Mommy, you have more strength than you did the day before. So true, Julie. Lovely letter!

At 5/04/2013 , Anonymous Lucy Ball said...

This is so true...and written to all of the mothers-to-be out there. Sisters. We all are and will be. <3


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