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Next Life, NO Kids: Dear Oprah, The world has gone to Hell.

October 12, 2012

Dear Oprah, The world has gone to Hell.

It's amazing how much television has gone to shit. Did The Today Show really just dedicate seven whole minutes whether Rhiana is banging Chris Brown again? Did they then fall further into the trash heap gossiping about the Nikki Minaj/Mariah Carey "scandal'? Holy shit. With the election a month away, it is shocking the amount of ridiculousness being blasted all over television. Granted, I think we can all agree that a break from the political shit slinging/pissing contests is much needed, but seriously?


While walking through the mall yesterday, I actually saw a Jersey Shore trivia game on sale. If that just got your excited, I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but you're an asshole. Can someone PLEASE explain to me why I would want to spend an evening answering questions for points about a house full of attention whores? That in itself is "The Situation"...a serious one. Look, I just made up a question for the game.

Q: If I just bought this game, should I question all of the decisions I've ever made in my life leading up to its purchase?

A: Definitely. Here's a list of good therapists in your area. Call immediately.

What is wrong with us? 

Are we so insecure and in need of distraction that we've become this desperate for "entertainment"? Why is a little girl named Honey Boo Boo working her chubby little butt into adult conversations? Do we not all understand that this poor girl is a victim? Hi Sweetie, the world is laughing at you and nobody cares enough to stop it. 


I welcome taking a break between questions regarding whether Elizabeth Warren ever danced around a fire with a peace pipe, and/or wondering if Grandma will fall into the 47% that Romney doesn't give a shit about. 

I just wish we could find a better way.

Why is it that no one is thinking about how many teenaged girls are trying to get themselves pregnant in time to audition for the 20th season of Teen Mom?  WTF! 

Arnold Schwarzenegger just wrote a book about his life? Fascinating.

Hulk Hogan made a sex tape that somehow went viral? That's fucking gross.

News flash people, these stories are NOT scandalous, they're sad. Let us feel sorry for the mothers of Honey Boo Boos and washed up actors "leaking" videos of themselves just to get their names in the "news". Wow, we almost forgot about you because everyone and their grandmother is fighting for 15 minutes of fame/infamy, but thank goodness you reminded us that you're still hungry for more. Let us pray for these people; that they might find some peace and acceptance of their commonness. Scandalous is no longer scandalous and folks are needing to raise the bar in order to make a splash. 

Being proud to be an American is challenging lately. Freedom is awesome, but unfortunately it comes along with the right to be a douche bag. :(

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